The Witcher is dumb and bad

Here is some interesting information about The Witcher.

This should have been a good show, probably. Maybe. Some other universe is currently like, “Game of what? This is the real deal.”

Not here, though. Not us.

I had some thoughts in the first few episodes.

For example, in episode one, I wrote:

What the fuck is happening. Who the fuck are these people. Is there a prequel I was supposed to have watched? Why does the nation of Nils Bohr hate Candyland and Discount Kirsten Dunst?

and it kinda just goes downhill from there.

The dialog is so out of place much of the time. I assume it’s not just weirdly translated from Polish but actually just written that way by native English speakers.

Wizard lady, whose origin story is she’s an ugly hunchbacked abomination, gets a gratuitous shot of her tits but it’s during the Special Magic Surgery to make her pretty (the actress is very pretty and has fantastic tits). But like, “Yeah, ok so, I fixed your hunchback and fucked up face, and the one leg that is longer than the other, and your fucked up arms, and twisted spine, and all the other stuff. Took a few minutes less than I’d planned, though, your tits are just, I mean, 11 outta 10. Didn’t need to do a thing. Just fucking great.”

We coulda seen her tits later, and just assumed they were not spectacular all along, you know?

And it just goes downhill from there.

There are moments I do enjoy, I guess. Occasionally Cavill does a decent job of being somewhat world-weary. But he only has one face so “world-weary seen-it-all Geralt” is exactly the same as “angry Geralt” which is exactly the same as “just nutted Geralt”. Dude has exactly one look. One-faced as hell.

Anyway sometimes the supporting characters are kinda fun, I guess. The scenery is OK. But there’s no cinematography of note in a show about this grand fantasy world. Compare with Mr. Robot, a goddamned triumph of using a camera for a TV show.

In the end, it’s like a fantastically high-budget “D&D actual play”, only with less love of the source material.

And better tits.

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